PROJECT JULIO HAS MOVED TO WWW.PROJECTJULIO.COM

PROJECT JULIO HAS MOVED TO WWW.PROJECTJULIO.COM

That's right. It's official. Project Julio is now officially a dot.com, bitch! WWW.PROJECTJULIO.COM

Figures of Speech as Inspired by Hobos Part I

"Une Hobo," source of my inspiration (as well as my anal warts)!

According to Wikipedia, a figure of speech is defined as "a use of a word that diverges from its normal meaning, or a phrase with a specialized meaning not based on the literal meaning of the words in it such as a metaphor, simile, or personification." As you can cleary see in the list below, there are nearly 100 such twists of language, and believe it or not, these are the building blocks of humor as we know it. They are broken up into two categories: Schemes and Tropes. For the sake of entertainment, I will demonstate each of these with the focus being on hobos.

The overall goal of this project is to increase public awareness that comedy is in fact an art form. Perhaps if they themselves can produce and understand comedic material, comedians such as ourselves won't have to watch cliched sit-coms or listen to their pathetic attempts at conversational improv.

Schemes:

§ alliteration: A series of words that begin with the same letter or sound alike

Hidden hobos housed in huts hurriedly hustle to help hydrogenous homosexuals hide their HIV.

§ anacoluthon: A change in the syntax within a sentence

Hobos, though filthy and dumb creatures --- are they not of much amusement to us in their drunken and/or crack-cocaine feuled stupors?

§ anadiplosis: Repetition of a word at the end of a clause at the beginning of another

Homelessness leads to desperation, desperation leads to crime and crime leads back to home. Though that home may be a prison, prisons provide warmth and sustenance whereas sidewalks do not.

§ anaphora: The repetition of the same word or group of words at the beginning of successive clauses

A hobo might smell (badly)
A hobo might light (a cigarette)
A hobo might smell (another hobo)
A hobo might fight (another hobo)
A hobo might sleep (on the sidewalk)
A hobo might write (on a cardboard box)
A hobo might weep (on the sidewalk)
A hobo might right (the wrongs)

A hobo might, tonight,
sleep upright.

§ anastrophe: Inversion of the usual word order

Yoda: Smells of urine, hobos do.

§ anticlimax: the arrangement of words in order of decreasing importance

Hobos provide city streets with character, personality and, most of all, public displays of nudity, urination and, most of all, bat-shit insanity.

§ antimetabole: Repetition of words in successive clauses, in reverse order

When a hobo bites, and then defecates upon, a man, that is not news; however, when a man bites, and then defecates upon, a hobo, that IS news.

§ antithesis: The juxtaposition of opposing or contrasting ideas

If the homeless are hobos, does that make homeowners homos?

§ aphorismus: statement that calls into question the definition of a word

If the homeless are hobos, does that make homeowners homos?

§ aposiopesis: Breaking off or pausing speech for dramatic or emotional effect

Is he doing what I think he’s…yup. That hobo just peed on the cure to Cancer.

§ apostrophe: Directing the attention away from the audience and to a personified abstraction

Dear hobos! I would, were you not untrustworthy carriers of disease, happily invite you into my home and listen to your eccentric stories of sporadic travel and street dwelling!

§ apposition: The placing of two elements side by side, in which the second defines the first

Hobos, those travelling salesmen of charity, provide a positive boost of self-esteem to all those (of higher status) that they encounter!

§ assonance: The repetition of vowel sounds, most commonly within a short passage of verse

Old, ordinary hobos obtain kudos from over-obsessed observers and enthusiasts of the obsolescent pastime of hobo-ing.

*Julio's note: That's all for now, but don't worry --- part II of "Figures of Speech as Inspired by Hobos" will continue tomorrow! (to view the entire list of Figures of Speech, click here)

Ted Kennedy: Dead or Alive?

Hahaha! Everyone thinks I"m dead...lawl!!!

"Sen. Ted Kennedy (D) died Tuesday of brain cancer" is something that a liberal newspaper, website or radio station might have you believe. Popular website "Dead or Alive," which keeps track of famous deaths, has, through no fault of its own, fallen for this liberal rouse and listed Ted Kennedy as deceased. The objective of this post is to convince you, the reader, that Sen. Ted Kennedy is not only alive and well, but also behind the Socialist conspiracy of the Obama administration and government run euthanasia.

Exhibit A: Where is the Original Death Cirtificate?

How do we know that Ted Kennedy is dead if we don't have a Death Cirtificate? What has been released by the Kennedy campaign is a "Cirtificate of Live Death." This is the same thing that his brother, John Kennedy, supplied after his "assassination" 40 years ago, and as we all know, the CIA exiled him to Cuba. What I have found on the internet is Kennedy's REAL Death Cirtificate...his KENYAN Death Cirtificate. Because we now know for a fact that Kennedy died in Kenya, it only follows that Kenney is ineligible for the position of President of the Ghost-United States of America (GUSA).

Exhibit B: Ted Kennedy is not a Citizen of the Ghost-United States of America (GUSA)

Sources in the afterworld have revealed to me, after hours of intensive mediTation/mediCation, that Ted Kennedy arrived in the Kenyan entrance of Heaven, referred to as the "Pewter Gates" due to a shortage of gold. He later entered the GUSA embasy and was transported via cloud-car to the Continental GUSA. My sources in the socialist GUSA have also informed me that Kennedy has already been appointed to the GUSA Senate and has drafted legislation that includes Government run "life-panels".

Exhibit C: If Ted Kennedy is a member of the GUSA Senate, doesn't that mean he's dead?

Yes. But the definition of intelligence is the ability to hold two contardictory beliefs without discomfort. Being an intelligent fellow, it follows that Ted Kennedy is BOTH dead AND alive. The liberal media, however, would like you to think that contradictions are wrong, but in fact they are a normal part of U.S. politics. Don't believe me? Just see for yourself:

Washington D.C. No, seriously, this is the capital of the USA. I bet you thought

this was Africa. You were WRONG

He sure looks hungry...Yup, go ahead, have ANOTHER BITE...you're starving, aren't you?

HEY FATASS, STOP EATING ALL THOSE FLIES...we own those flies. You work for us, now

Yea...support our troops...unless they come back crazy. Then FUCK 'EM!